Product Review: Rockabye Baby Lullabies – £12

If there’s a God and he owns a xylophone…

Overview: Xylophone interpretations of rock’s greatest hits (and some No Doubt). In our case, Aerosmith.

What Rockabye say: “Lullaby renditions of baby’s favourite rock bands.”

What Let’s Dad! says: SENT. FROM. HEAVEN. These should be included in every NHS New Parent Pack. Correction. Babies should emerge from their mum’s birth canal carrying their CD of choice. We were given our copy not by our daughter, or God, but by a friend, (on her wedding day) as a belated congratulations for the birth of our daughter. We chuckled thanks, before tucking it into the glove box never to be seen again –  we were fans of neither Aerosmith or xylophone music – or so we thought…

The day after the wedding, shortly into our journey home, we hit traffic. Heavy traffic. It was frickin’ gridlock! Being stuck in traffic with a screaming baby in the backseat is pretty close to how I imagine hell. Put Sue Barker in the passenger seat and that truck from Duel in the rear-view mirror and eternal damnation would be complete. In our desperation (after much cooing, raspberries and other nonsense that didn’t work) we remembered the CD. Out it comes, on it goes and within 5 minutes the babylady is sound asleep. The traffic was still frickin’ gridlocked, but the car was quiet. Bar the gentle sound of someone expertly playing ‘Dude (Looks Like A Lady)’ on various wooden instruments.

It must be a fluke? A coincidence? Nope. Every time we’re out in the car and the ladybaby hits grouchy, we hit play. And off she goes to the land of snooze…to dream of tight leather trousers, big-red-lips and mullets. It is, unquestionably, the best gift we have ever received…and one I’ve subsequently purchased for every new dad in our group of friends.

NB. After about 1 month of repeated use you’ll reach a point where you’ll want to destroy every m*therf*cking xylophone that’s ever been made. Persevere, because the rewards are indescribable.

Alternative uses: There have been rumours that the Coldplay renditions were used at Abu Ghraib.

Summary: If you have a baby, with lungs…and a car, with a CD player, BUY ONE NOW! NOW! Seriously, click here…

Overall Let’s Dad! Score: 10/10

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