Can’t sleep? Love Bjorn Borg? I’ve got just the thing…

Bjorn Borg: Swedish LaserQuest Champion 1967-72

Product Review: Zeo Sleep Manager – Mobile

What Zeo say: “Take control of your sleep. Zeo tracks the quality of your sleep then gives you personalized advice to help you improve it.”

Switching the lights off might help?

What Let’s Dad! says: You could gaffer tape a brick to my head and it’d be an improvement on my current ‘Sleep Manager’. Yeah, she’s cute as a button, but her set-up, general maintenance and alarm settings are unpredictable at best, her feedback in the morning is complete nonsense and she regularly craps in her own pants and needs me to clean it up. So the Zeo, which is a breeze to configure and maintain – and hasn’t yet woken me up at 4am with a nappy full of shit – is revolutionary in comparison.

Despite not being particularly fond of wearing headgear to bed (unless it’s roleplay night and I’m Indiana Jones), I found the headband strangely comforting – like having my favourite school teacher wrapped around my noggin. I wanted to do it proud; buckle down, ignore all extraneous thoughts and get off to sleep promptly. Which I did…(despite the strange and exciting notion that the sensors were drawing out hitherto unknown information from the recesses of my mind. Like where I lost my Luke Skywalker figurine when I was 6 years old). Once you hit ‘track’ and your head hits the pillow, the Zeo monitors your REM, light and deep sleep and then feeds back the results in the morning, via an app on your phone. Night night then…

I still miss you Luke…

Night 1: Despite having been out drinking ’til late, collapsing to a fitful sleep and waking noisely during the night to take a p*ss, the Zeo, (unlike my girlfriend) wasn’t disparaging. Quite the opposite; it simply provided me with a full breakdown of my nocturnal endeavours, offered pointers to help me improve and informed me that I had slept better than 77% of the population. Just imagine what I could do with an early night and no booze on board?!

Night 2: Not a drop of juice and in bed by 10.30pm. Again, despite waking around 3am after a vivid dream about Sue Barker and I dying beneath a tide of molten toyshit in Peckham Toys ‘R’ Us, the Zeo had nothing but kind words come morning. Apparently I’m better at sleeping than 99% of Zeo users. If only there was an underground Sleep Club where I could get topless and sleep against other hardcore snoozers.

“Watch it buddy! I’m feeling pretty snoozey…”

Night 3: After a rather serious pre-bedtime barny with my girlfriend, I decide it would be prudent not to wear my LaserQuest headband to bed, fearing it might indicate that I wasn’t taking our quarrel seriously. I sleep like sh*t, due to a screaming baby and the aforementioned fight, and wake up feeling relieved that Zeo hadn’t tracked my night. He probably would have been p*ssed off with me too.

Night 4: BAM! Back on track. I put in a snooze that makes Sleeping Beauty look like Margaret Thatcher. Zeo duly tells me that my sleep rating is ‘Coma’ and I’m ready to move on to the final, ultimate level of sleep; death. This is a little disconcerting, but then who am I to argue with a mind-reading headband?

Summary: If you fancy feeling like Bjorn Borg at bedtime, enjoy being told you’re great in bed every morning or simply want to know how well you’re sleeping, then the Zeo Sleep Manager is for you. The Zeo Sleep Manager Deluxe comes with a free wooden tennis racket and some tight white shorts. Nice.

Overall Let’s Dad! Score: 7/10

Deluxe!

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