Lindsay Lohan’s minder

Yesterday I enjoyed a taste of what it must have been like to be Lindsay Lohan’s minder, circa 2004. If I’d added some Aptamil powder to the baby-lady’s nostrils then the experience would have been complete.

The role – which you can play out in most public places – primarily involves trying to stop accidents before they happen, having an array of apologies ready for the other people involved in the accidents that you failed to stop happening, carrying enough cash to pay for the damage caused by said accidents and being quick and strong enough to catch your charge, contain them and get them into a waiting car before things spiral out of your control.

Admittedly, I didn’t have to deal with a bunch of paps trying to get shots of my daughter’s nappy or her overdosing on Calpol, but it was still pretty exhausting.

Lindsay! LINDSAY! Not again?! Someone call 911!

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