Gifts for Newborns:
Friends have dropped? Looking for something special amid the sea of tat?
Last Let’s Dad! Gift Guide didn’t unearth any gems? Fret no more, here are more winning gifts…
(and a load of websites to browse if they’re not quite what you’re after)
There’s no substitute for a mother’s love. Fortunately, there is a substitute for a mother’s hands and forearms. Originally designed to comfort babies in Neonatal Intensive Care Units (and to sound like something you suffer from the morning after an amphetamine binge), Zaky Hands can be scented, shaped and weighted to gently comfort your newborn as they drift off to snooze. The Zaky Luxury Hands for Dads come with lace gloves and a vibrating palm.
Created in Sweden around 2004 (because there just isn’t enough faeces to contend with when you have young kids?), Pee and Poo are a friendly drop of p*ss and a loveable pile of sh*t. What’s little Johnny up to? Oh, he’s in his bedroom giving himself a temporary tattoo of a turd. Nice website though.
Be honest, how many of you would love your baby daughter a whole lot more if she wasn’t so f*cking bald? Thought so. I even considered putting our little girl up for adoption at one point, because she looked just like Vin Diesel. Fortunately, just before the paperwork arrived, I discovered Baby Bangs®. What a relief, now my little princess can, well, look like a little princess. Albeit the one from Shrek.
What better way to introduce your 3 year old to the wonders of birth? Made to order, these beautiful dolls come complete with perineal massage kit, a mini birthing pool, TENS machine and an optional epidural. Let’s Dad! recommends ordering one with a high pain threshold, massive birth canal and a good sense of humour.
‘No more scrambling to wipe away baby drool or dribble! The snozzie™ wristband face wipe is always at your fingertips.’ Apparently the shittie™ headband and pissie™ wristband are currently in production, so you can have bogeys on one arm, piss on the other and fresh sh*t wrapped round your head. Honky!
Not convinced? Try these sites for all manner of child-friendly delights:
Kid Toy World
‘Safe, fun, eco-friendly toys your child will love – guaranteed’
Kids Toys Naturally
‘Intelligent, ethical, beautiful toys for the child in us all’
‘Out-of-the-box ideas from the heart’
Alexandra and Alex
‘The UK’s leading online luxury childrenswear retailer’
‘Traditional and innovative toys, games and gifts’
‘High-quality traditional and educational wooden toys made in Germany’
‘Bebemoda is geared for the mom (er, you mean mum and dad, right?) who likes the modern and the creative’
‘Watch your baby grow and develop through play with Lamaze toys’
Little Baby Company
‘Designed as a source of inspiration and an online haven of modern and unique products for babies and toddlers’